bye bye tims

ltims whims formally departed from the blog world today. my understanding is that the blog is gone forever (no more haikus) but that she will remain a blog lurker for some time.

an haiku for tims
parting is such sweet sorrow
maybe try my space?

weekend ramblings II

or
dear caveman, why don't you attack me, my friends, and my blog. again.

on friday i had this "beertail" called a skip and go naked. it was beer, gin, lemon juice, and grenadine. i didn't skip or go naked but it was still good.

it started raining on saturday and it didn't stop until wed. it flooded the street and houses and the metro. have you ever heard of the metro flooding before? i have to admit i am slightly more concerned about flooding metros than what the terror alert level is.

voluptuously is a word. be honest, how many people knew that? and those that say they did, i would like to hear that in a sentence.

I DON'T WANT FRANCE TO WIN!!!!!!!! and italy robbed australia. well actually the ref robbed australia. what is the deal with that? did anyone else think that becks looked old? posh should really take him to whoever does her botox.

weekend ramblings

how is acceptable that someone who has been suspended for cheating would have the opportunity to ref again? the usa vs italy game was today. the ref was awful. he was not allowed to ref in the last world cup. hmmm.

why is the right thing so hard to do? why do emotions cloud things? how do you stop that from happening? i am reading cs lewis right now. he is talking about need love versus gift love. i guess need love gets in the way. we are only thinking about what we need in that moment and never about what we could give or what is being given to us.

why are families so dysfunctional? why is it so much easier to deal with your own family dysfunction? wouldn't life, and especially relationships, be easier if you never had to deal with anyone's family? that saying-when you marry the person, you marry the family-that sucks. and i think it is a lie. or at least everyone should work extra hard to make it false.

do you think that there is life in space? i watched this movie that said that life at the really scary black part of the ocean is probably how life on europa is. europa is a moon. who knew? i kind of hope it is not true since the "life" they showed us was billions, and i really mean billions, of really disgusting looking shrimp that could live in toxic ocean gas that was 750 degrees fahrenheit. yuck. that is more primal than roaches. no thanks.

places i have been

are in red. places i need to go are in white




create your own visited countries map

self portrait

here it is. part of the self i have been trying to find. i am still not sure exactly who i am or what i want but i think i am on the right path. eventually i will know. i wonder if it will be a flash of understanding, like when some bizarre philosophy that you have been struggling with suddenly comes clear. or will it be an awakening, like when you fall into happiness or contentment. either way i am excited that i have at least found the path.

battle of the sexes is NOT a fun party game

but i still agreed to play.
to my team and my opponents, i let my bitterness at the game take over and i acted ridiculous.
i am sorry.

god is talking, are you listening?

Pat Robertson says God told him storms and possibly a tsunami will hit America's coastline this year.
"If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms. There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."

if i heard the lord right, and i am fairly i certain that i did, he said that everyone who reads my blog is going to send me money so that i can get out of debt and open my own store in dubai. ARE YOU LISTENING?!!! GOD SAID!!!!!! email me and i will send you the address that you can post your checks to. i take credit cards as well.

my sister is very brave

she is following in brave cressida's footsteps; last week she packed up here stuff and moved to sunny california.
she wants to be an actress, and even though i make tons of fun of her and call her an aspiring waitress, i secretly think it was a brave thing to do.
she is living in LA all by herself without a job and no friends because she really believes that she can make it. she legally changed her name, bought a new car, gave away one of her cats, and drove, literally, across the country. she left her boyfriend and more importantly, our mom behind in the horse capital of the world.

i realize that a lot of us have moved away for school or a job but i don't know if i would be brave enough to just move for nothing but a chance. she did. and tomorrow will mark her one week anniversary into adulthood and possible stardom.

congratulations sis, and well done!!

can bad luck be a disease?

and once you catch it can you ever get rid of it?

when i was 17 i hit this guy's car in the high school parking lot. i had a 1982 chrysler 5th Avenue. it was 1998. he had a brand new ford explorer.

when i was 18 i rear ended my boyfriend. my car was totaled. he made me buy him a new bumper even though it wasn't even scratched. we broke up.

when i was 20 i was rear ended in my volvo by a crazy lady in an SUV. she was talking on the phone. i was stopped at a crosswalk. my car was totaled. i was forced to buy a much crappier one.

three weeks ago a pedestrian in the little city walked out in front of a truck. the truck slammed on its brakes, another truck hit the first truck. i hit the second truck and my car front went underneath. my car was totaled. no damage to either truck. the pedestrian didn't even stop, she just headed into the museum like j-walking wasn't a crime.

this week my roommate let me borrow her car. today it was broken into via the passenger's side window. the idiot who did it reached in and opened the other doors, popped the trunk, threw everything onto the side walk and only stole the jumper cables.

where oh where have the smart people gone?

sometimes i feel like i am not as smart as my peers.
sometimes i feel like other people are not as smart as me.
sometimes i feel like most people are not as smart as the people who are not as smart as me.

i realize that this sounds incredibly arrogant. sorry for that. but really people, how did we get to be so stupid?

things i have heard in real life:

"i think that van gogh (pronounced van-go-ch) guy painted that ceiling in italy"

"what language do they speak in italy?"

"is the gulf war in florida?"

"what time is the three o clock parade?"

and my absolute favorite,

Girl One: "the pope is not catholic he is jewish, he wears that little beanie on his head."
Girl Two: "no, he is not jewish. he is multicultralistic, the king of all the religions."

The joy of living in Afghanistan

Abdul Rahman is on trial in Afghanistan for becoming a Christian. He converted 16 years ago as an aid worker helping refugees in Pakistan.

Lucky for him, the “new” constitution in Afghanistan is based on shar’ia, which according to the trail judge’s interpretation means Rahman should be put to death for “rejecting Islam”.
The trail judge says the he will invite Abdul Rahman back to Islam again because, “the religion of Islam is one of tolerance. We will ask him if he has changed his mind. If so we will forgive him. But if he refuses to reconvert, then his mental state will be considered” before he is put to death.

AWESOME.

Let’s all pray that right-wing religious beliefs don’t take infiltrate the USA. Oh, wait...

people

i just don't get you
one minute things are good then
it all goes down hill

Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson, who is clearly a voice of reason, much like Dr. James Dobson of a previous post, just referred to Muslims as “crazed fanatics” who are “motivated by demonic power”.

In a manner that could be called nothing except for rational, he went on to say that they were “satanic and it's time we recognize what we're dealing with. Islam is not a religion of peace…the goal of Islam, ladies and gentlemen whether you like it or not, is world domination”.

Robertson, who claims to be filled with Christ’s love, suggested that American agents assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. He also claimed the stroke that left Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon in a coma was God's punishment for Israel's withdrawal from the Gaza Strip.

Robertson, lucky for us, has his own website and his own televison program and his own college to help spread his peaceful messages of hate, bigotry, murder, conspiracy, and retribution in the name of god.

God bless us, every one.

How much will you pay for PENIS?

There's a restaurant in Beijing whose specialty is animal penis. Check out the menu here. From $40 to $400, you can get ox, yak, dog, donkey, and seal penises. Just like mom used to make. Or not.

That says dog. You read it right.

why god why!?!?!?

it happened.
i found one sticking out of the top of my head. just sticking straight up; shorter, coarser and obviously lighter than all the other ones. it clearly didn't belong there and so i plucked it. plucked my first fucking grey hair. it was horrible. it wasn't even grey. if i am honest it was white. short and white and horrible and it had clearly been lurking for some time. well it is gone now and i will pluck myself bald before i accept that my hair is turning grey. sigh.

farewell my friend

flavia, you rock
i don’t even like coffee
but you made it good

I am starting a new job. I will not have an office to myself, there will be no windows, and perhaps the saddest part… there will be no Flavia. This is my third and last post dedicated to the wonder of the Flavia which, as you guys know, gives me a great deal of joy; a beverage machine with endless possibilities that cleans itself and is free. Besides providing me a constant flow of warm beverages, the Flavia is also where I go for office gossip, camaraderie, and chit-chat. I am sad to leave the warm embrace of hot chocolate, coffee, and tea.

my list

I haven’t blogged in forever. Everything in my life has changed. It’s not that I have nothing to share it is more that I don’t really know how to share it. I guess a list is best.

I moved out of my place with baconscraps

I got a roommate; my roommate moved out

I made new friends; I am about to lose one of them. I am watching it happen and I want to stop it but it seems like I just make it worse

I am getting a new roommate this week

I sent 500 text messages in January and I didn’t have a text plan

I feel a little overwhelmed sometimes; it just hits me in a wave I have no control over

I haven’t really been able to cry; I did tonight

I am scared

I miss my mom

I am excited for all the things I could do next

shout out

PRA-PRA Princess Power!!!!

don't try this at the office

In schools all over London, apparently, break-times are seeing boys running into the toilet to masturbate furiously, collect their jizz in the palms of their hands, then go out and find a younger kid...then slap them in the face while shouting "SEAGULL!"

what is there to say?

Poor US soldiers - not only do they get sent to die in Iraq, now they're having their funerals hijacked by religious nut jobs. At a recent military funeral the God Hates Fags movement dragged the flag on the ground while carrying signs that said "Thank God for dead soldiers". They also protested at the funerals of the miners who died in the Sago mine disaster, with signs stating, "Aids cures fags" and "fags burn in hell".

Their point appears to be that bad things happen because God is angry that some people are gay.

God Hates Fags was the brainchild of Kansas Baptist preacher Fred Phelps, and is dedicated to "preaching the Gospel truth about the soul-damning, nation-destroying notion that it is OK to be gay."

I am thinking of starting a group called God is Not a Bigot.