Hot N Cold

My former partner and I shared just about everything including passionate and volatile reactions to each other on a fairly regular bases. Hot N Cold would definitely have been the theme of our relationship in a video montage. "We fight we break up we kiss we make up" was pretty much the tag line. Until one day we didn't make up. We just kept fighting. But I was still stuck in the same song, "You don't really want to stay no but you don't really want to go-o." Or so I thought as I told my partner of five years that I wanted to see other people. Somewhat predictably, this got us back on track to kiss and make up but it most certainly never helped me decide if I was in or if I was out. We were, as Katy Perry sings it, "Stuck on a roller coaster, Can't get off this ride." After a year of ups and downs and a great deal of pain my partner had had enough and he pulled the emergency break, I got a little bit of whip lash from the sudden jolt but the ride didn't stop. We just jumped to the kiddie track where things are less intense but still up and down. Ironically this track is scarier because the next time we stop it will be for good. My partner is preparing to get off the ride. But I am not ready. I want to stay. It took whip lash to make me realize but now I know I would rather be Hot N Cold with him than room temp without.