30 August 2005

trolley use # 407: a grill

one of the many things lucy could do with the trolley in her yard: have a cookout!!

Off your trolley

trolley, with an E
rolled to lucy's house, filled up
with stuff from the grass

29 August 2005

Caprice Travels: Effing Austria!!

Who would like to take a trip to Fucking? I must steal this sign before I die!!!

26 August 2005

Caprice Travels: Twatt 1970s Style

Do you think she used this picture in her holiday cards that year?

24 August 2005

Dear Jesus, please send me a naked date?

i'm confused. is this site for born again christians or born again virgins?

22 August 2005

Caprice Travels: A Ghanaian Tour

Anybody looking for work? There is a booming "shit business" is Ghana if interested.

21 August 2005

tinapopo, you so funny

droll tinapopo
tonka trucks, laguna beach
comedy ensues

18 August 2005

Justice Sunday II: The Mantra Decoded

Number one, it's a new day.
Number two, liberalism is dead.
Number three, the majority of Americans are conservative.
Number four, you can count on us showing up and speaking out.
And number five, let the church rise.
~Jerry Sutton, Two Rivers Baptist Church, site of Justice Sunday II

Mantra with my commentary
Number one, it's a new day.
this is true. amazingly, it is a new day every 24 hours.
Number two, liberalism is dead.
liberalism : a movement in modern Protestantism emphasizing intellectual liberty and the spiritual and ethical content of Christianity b : a theory in economics emphasizing individual freedom from restraint and usually based on free competition, the self-regulating market, and the gold standard c : a political philosophy based on belief in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, and the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties
i had no idea that the free market was dead, that individualial liberty was dead, that the goodness of the human race was dead, and that protection of political liberties was dead. where the hell have i been living? all this time I thought it was the United States.
Number three, the majority of Americans are conservative.
and the majority of Germans supported Hitler. as my mom says, "just because everyone else does it, that doesn't make it right!"
Number four, you can count on us showing up and speaking out.
you can show up and speak out only if your political and civil liberties are protected. two words: slippery slope
And number five, let the church rise.
is this like "let the south rise?"

this is bollocks. that is all i have to say.

17 August 2005

What about our daughters Dr. D?

Apparently James Dobson disseminated a guide in one of his 2002 newsletters on how a father can prevent his son from turning gay. The advice included roughhousing with him, teaching him to throw and catch, showing him how "to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard" capped off with this: "He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger."

I wonder what tips Dr. D would suggest to save a daughter from being a lesbian?
Take your daughter to William Sonoma and Victoria's Secret. Show your daughter your boobs so that she will see that she has them too, just like you, only smaller. Put on make-up with your daughter. Teach her to bake round cheese cakes in round cheese cake pans.

To this I say:
Thank god. For a minute there I was afraid I would have to send my (potential) kids to Mercy House to "degayify" them. But now I see that with a few simple steps I too can raise non-mo, "right with the lord," children.
Thank you Baby Jesus
and thank you Dr. D

15 August 2005

from blog to poetry slam.

Quintain is very different from haiku
Using the rhyme scheme a-b-a-b-b
At times it can be difficult to do.
It is poetry that you hear and see
Do you guys think it works for me?

haiku to cinquain

5-7-5 beats
with cinquain you say more
2-4-6-8-2 less is best

blogger spam sucks

anon, why bother?
agent orange? why would we care?
give it a rest please.

EN complains of haiku sexism

some women are mean
and they could be strippers too.
some strippers are nice

AEG ammends to LTMS haiku

your co-workers suck
people in general too
and most men. well, some.


your office is crap
remind yourself everyday
you are above that

14 August 2005

for eef

live for you today
in your words and thoughts and deeds
your true self shines through

12 August 2005

haiku for cressida

webster's a bastard:
spurious, misgotten, sham
adjective or noun?

hilarious stupidity

today i read Madden Widow's blog. Check it out http://www.maddenwidow.blogspot.com/. Madden Widow is pretty funny and makes some really valid points about grown men and video games. Then, these idiots get on her blog and leave the most outrageous comments. it is a prolific display of male stupidity. it is so offensive that i started laughing. i am still laughing.

i will be laughing for a long time.
guys, i am laughing at you. not with you.

my heart will go on and on....

"I'm the king of the underworld!"

10 August 2005

perplexing questions

if you have five apples and you divide them by no apples don't you still have five apples? if you have no apples where did the origanal five go?

09 August 2005

Once again, they want to lay it off on Eve

In 1994, then-Archbishop of Portland William Levada offered a simple answer for why the archdiocese shouldn't have been ordered to pay the costs of raising a child fathered by a church worker at a Portland, Oregon. The child's mother had engaged "in unprotected intercourse … when [she] should have known that could result in pregnancy," the church maintained in its answer to the lawsuit.

The church — which considers birth control a sin — seemed to be arguing that the woman should have protected herself from pregnancy.

William Donohue, president of the conservative Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights based in New York, said the legal language was "simply code for, 'What's wrong with you, honey, aren't you smart enough to make sure condoms were used?”

backwards haiku

haiku is five beats
second line seven, third five
so mine are backwards

911, do you have an emergency? Well to bad!!

I called 911 last night.
A friend called me as she was walking home around 9:45PM.
Some weirdo jumped out of a bush and wouldn’t leave her alone.
I put Amy on 3-way and called 911. She told the dispatcher the problem and the dispatcher responded with “You called Arlington County, she is in Fairfax County. We can’t help you.”
Then the dispatcher gave me a 9 digit number to call.
So I am glad I had a pen.

haiku two

Yes, I went back to the gym
I did kickboxing
Candy won’t fix this

08 August 2005

Capital VS Capitol

rachelegs: why is the capitol in the capital?
StMaryan: like the capitol building?
rachelegs: yes
rachelegs: why is the capitol building
rachelegs: located in the capital
rachelegs: or capitol south
rachelegs: is in the nations capital
rachelegs: are we trying to confuse people?
rachelegs: what does that mean?
StMaryan: webster is a bastard
rachelegs: what the hell is the difference is the o or a
StMaryan: none

Function: adjectiveEtymology: Middle English, from Latin capitalis, from capit-, caput1 of a letter : of or conforming to the series A, B, C, etc. rather than a, b, c, etc.2 a : punishable by death b : involving execution c : most serious 3 a : chief in importance or influence b : being the seat of government 4 : of or relating to capital; especially : relating to or being assets that add to the long-term net worth of a corporation 5 : EXCELLENT

Function: nounEtymology: Latin Capitolium, temple of Jupiter at Rome on the Capitoline hill1 a : a building in which a state legislative body meets b : a group of buildings in which the functions of state government are carried out 2 capitalized : the building in which the U.S. Congress meets at Washington

Gym Haiku

Saturday’s workout killed me
My whole body hurts
Candy made me feel better

05 August 2005

Is it legal to solicit donations for yourself?

I read a book called “Save Karyn” about a girl who created a website and asked strangers for money. She had loads of debt and needed help and people gave it to her. She paid off an incredible sum, like $30,000 or something from donations.

Today I discovered that I have $4.00 until next Friday. Then I have 2 ½ weeks until I am unemployed. At this point, I too am considering asking people I don’t know for money. I wonder what the tax issues are with that. Do solicited donations count as gifts or do you have to list them as taxable income? It’s not like I would be going out to buy 100$ jean jackets but still, technically it would be for profit.

Anyway, I am looking for a clever way to ask strangers for money. So give me your thoughts.

02 August 2005

Harry Potter, AKA Ha-li Bo-te

Author JK Rowling's boy wizard Harry Potter is wildly popular in China, where he is known as "Ha-li Bo-te".
Is he really known as that or is BBC making fun of Chinese accents?

Unauthorised Chinese versions of the latest Harry Potter book have been sold in Beijing, three months before the official translation is published. Sold for 20 Yuan (£1.40), the unofficial Chinese version was said to omit paragraphs and contain errors.

Potter readers have posted their own international translations of the latest book onto fan websites, with thousands of German versions posted fewer than 48 hours after its English-language publication.
Wow, this is some serious dedication.

On China's Tsinghua university website, a fan writing under the name Woodchuckle was so upset by Rowling's ending that he wrote and posted his own.
Ok, things may be going overboard now.

01 August 2005

Middle Management? That sounds great!

So, I am officially in my quarter life and while I am not HAVING a crisis, it certainly seems to be filled with crisis. I was laid off from my job. Boss says it is about money but I think it is personal. I work in this super scary office in DC. Some things I have heard:

“The bombings in London happened because we didn’t kill enough of those people.”
Who are “those” people?

“We run this office like Jesus and the Disciples.”
What the hell does that mean?

“The Washington Post is a communist rag!”
Who knew?

Anyway, so now I have to find a new job and I a little skittish. I mean what if I get hired at another office like this? But even worse, what if I don’t get hired at all? I am terrified that I will be unemployed at 25 with enough school debt to pay for a house. Well, a small house that is not in DC but you get the point; loads of debt. Apparently my office mates do not feel like I will be hired by anyone either. They have pulled up all the unemployment forms I have to fill out upon termination. I have just learned that if you are willing to stand in line, the government will pay you 60 percent of your original salary.

You know that monster.com commercial where the kids say things like, “when I grow up I want to work my way to middle management” or “I want to be a brown-noser?” You think it is hilarious when you watch but then you find yourself in a situation like this and you think, “hell yes, I will work in middle management! Heck, I will work in the Middle East if it will pay the bills and keep the debt from piling higher.”