thanks McDonald's

I have been really poor three times in my life. Once I moved to Orlando with my bestie and we lived off Ramen and 99¢ frozen dinners. Next, I moved to London and lived of lunches subsidized by my employer and frosted wheat.  It's 15 years since Orlando and ten since London. I'm an adult or should be, with no exceptions. But I'm writing this from a Honolulu McDonald's where I just counted out change, the last of my change, to get a burger and fries.  If that seems bad to you, remember that last night I had cheetos and the night before a mochi.

So why am I telling you this? At first I wanted to complain about eating at McDonald's but the truth is my jalapeño double cheese burger for $2 is pretty tasty.  Then I thought I would complain about the general suckiness of being poor when you are 34, single, and have a good job. But I realized that this is awesome. I'm chilling by myself (because in normal circumstances I would never eat here and I would do anything to not hang out with myself) writing this blog. I'm remembering the awesomeness of my thrifty adventures and the love I have for the people I shared them with. So thank you McDonald's for food, AC,  and Internet. And thank you universe for using a lack of funds  to help me appreciate all that I have.

what do you do when

you find out that the person you were dating for over a year was sleeping with four other women?  what do you do when you talk to them and realize that half of them were being told the exact same lies that you were? how do you adjust your reality from what you believed it to be to what it has now become?  it makes you feel like you are drowning.  or you are in a bad dream that you can't wake up from.  how do you deal with the gut wrenching feelings of loss, despair, loneliness, anger, rage, fear, betrayal, and even compassion that are consuming you?  how do you get better?  how do you walk away?  do you?  or is a confrontation necessary?  people keep saying time.  time for what? time until i only think about it once a day? time until the feelings aren't consuming but just a dull ache? yeah, like every break up it will fade.  but i will always want answers. why wasn't i enough?  what was wrong with me?  why couldn't i inspire him to be better?  why did he think it was ok to disrespect my love and my body?